they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
