dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize