You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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