u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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