We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
