so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
its liver damage thursday
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