Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
