My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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