God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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