Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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