The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
