I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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