Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
