I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
