somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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