Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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