Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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