The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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