peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
