They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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