nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
