so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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