She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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