I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
