SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
