I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
