Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
