guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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