I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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