Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
