apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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