Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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