I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
