I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
