pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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