if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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