It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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