At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
