Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
