it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
