Your face is a jimmy john
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
