...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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