I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
