I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
