omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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