It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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