i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
