I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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