I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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