he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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