I haven't been this sober since birth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
