i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He shit in the fireplace
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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