Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
