now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
