And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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