Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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