I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Rumble strips road head = magical
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
