I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
