Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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