Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
