I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
