Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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