I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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