Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
