dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
