i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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